Blogs I read everyday!

As bloggers we all have our list of favorite blogs we read everyday, right? The one's that teach us so much without us even knowing.  So I thought I would make a list of the blogs that inspire me everyday, and that I absolutely have to read everyday. Also to thank them for the hard work they do.

Divorce and the sanction of love....

We live in a day and age where it is so easy to get divorced, so easy, that if you are not happy with the person by the next month it could be over.  We see this everyday with celebrities. They have only known the person for a couple of months and then bang they are married. And then a couple of months later, bang they are heading for divorce….

Quiet a sad tale, I would say. How did it evolve to this? Is it because there is no value in the word LOVE anymore? Is it because our main objective in life is to see how many men and woman we can take to bed? Call me old fashioned but I want to be “courted” and I want to get to know you like I know myself before you even think of taking me to bed.

Where are our values and ethics? Not only for the other person, but for ourselves? Do we value ourselves so little, that we are willing to use our bodies as pawns just for that 15 minutes of gratification? Has our lives become all about sex? Don’t get me wrong, sex is good, but when it is done with someone you love and can see yourself growing old with. Is the thrill of being intimate with a different person every night better than the thrill of coming home to someone who cares for you and who loves you?

How do couples, who have known each other for only a short while, think they can build a relationship and a marriage around that? Is it the saying that “you will learn to love that person and their faults”? My grandparents have known each other for over 60 years and have been married for 50 years. That means that they knew each other for 10 years before they decided to get married. Now 10 years sound like a long time to get to know each other, which can explain why they are still married.  Yes there have been ups and downs, but they couldn’t see themselves living a life without each other.  I know what you are thinking, yes there are couples who have lasted but the statistics on divorce are shocking.

And what about the implications on the kids?

 As a child of a divorced family (I know many of us are), I know the emotional and psychological impact it can have on you.  These celebrities and basically everyday people, don’t realise what they are doing to their kids.  I know when my mom and dad got divorced, my world came crumbling down. I blamed myself. At the tender age of 9, who wouldn’t? Adults don’t realise what they are doing to their children. Yes, yes, staying in a relationship for the sake of the kids, doesn’t work either. But here’s what I’m getting at: Why did you get married in the first place? You could have known in the beginning it wasn’t going to work. You should have seen the signs. Now you are faced with telling your kids that they will have to have 2 bedrooms and will only see daddy every second weekend. And NO, having 2 bedrooms sucks, BIG TIME!! Seeing your mom and dad fight. Having to meet your mom or dad’s new partner. Having to share your parents with someone else. Having another person trying to be your mom or dad? IT HURTS!! And it fucks you up totally! No amount of going to the psychologist will help. This will affect your kids for the rest of their life.

People need to realise what they are going to do, not only to themselves but to their children (if they have) as well, if they get married before they truly know each other.  Personally for me, I want my first marriage to be my only marriage. How does the old adage go? If it’s broke, fix it! Don’t throw it away! 

Your heart heals...

It has taken  me 6 years to finally let go of the one person I always thought was the one for me. The one I thought would have my back and be there when times were rough, but fate, as they would say, didn't have that planned for me. 

Let me tell you a bit of my story. I met him when I was 19, and although we started out as just friends, my feelings for him quickly developed into something deeper. Now the problem was that he lived about a thousand km's away from me. We kept in contact and eventually I left everything I knew and moved to be with him. I know, stupid mistake, but love is blind and in my case stupid. 

He was my first everything. My first love, my first kiss, my first time. He basically set the benchmark for everything. In my eyes, no one compared. He was 8 years older than me and had a kid by his ex. Problem no 2, I didn't just love him, I loved his son too. Things seemed okay, even though his ex and his mom, didn't approve of our relationship. They made it very hard for us. After a year I couldn't take it anymore, and left. I wish I could say that was the end of the story but it isn't. 

I loved him, with every fiber in my being. So I moved back again, this time on my own. It was hard living alone, cause (warning sign 1) he was only there once a week, sometimes only every two weeks. I felt so isolated, the friends we had together, seemed to ignore me. I grew to accept it. He still called me his girlfriend but the reality was, that I was only his girlfriend when we went out.

As fate would have it, I fell pregnant. I got the shock of my life. No way was I ready for a baby. Yes I had practice with his son, but one of my own? I was scared to tell him because I think in my subconscious I knew what he was going to say.  I waited a whole week, trying to build up the courage to tell him. And when I did, well lets just say he wasn't impressed. His exact words were, "how can you be pregnant? I'm not ready for this! If you want me in your life, you will have an abortion!" Then he got up and left. My heart shattered in a million pieces, cause in that moment I realised, I was going to be a single mom.

No way was I going to abort my child. Needless to say, I sit here writing to you, a single mom, who loves her son very much. What was the outcome with his dad? Absolutely nothing.  He got involved with another chick, and they had a child together. A little girl. 

He has seen my son twice, once when he was 6 weeks old, and when he was 2. That was the last contact I had with him. In Dec 2012. My son doesn't know who his dad is, and doesn't ask at all. There I am grateful to my dad, for taking the father figure roll. 

So for 2 years and 2 months I have had no contact with him. And that is all on him. The point I'm making with this post, is that for these past 2 years, I'm grateful he hasn't contacted me. It's given my heart a chance to heal. Everyday it's gotten easier to live without him, to not think about him. The hurt has eased a bit and I can finally see myself falling in love with someone again. 

We need to give ourselves time to heal! It's no use getting into a rebound relationship, when you are clearly not over your ex. It has taken me 6 years to finally believe in love again, to hope for love again. And I am thankful for that. 

Love...

Love... 

4 letters, 1 word but so many meanings.

Have you ever sat and wondered what is the meaning of love? Not the dictionary version, but the version inside your heart. The word love is thrown around so easily these days, especially with young people. You go out with a person for two weeks and you are all of a sudden ready to tell this person you love them? Look, I'm not saying it's not possible but rather I'm asking are you absolutely sure? Cause like any words, once it has been said, there is no taking it back. 

I've had my share of heartbreak, and not just your a quick two month relationship heartbreak. No, this heartbreak, broke not only my heart but my soul too.  He was the love of my life, the only man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Or so I thought. I think I was so blinded by my love for him that I didn't see the warning signs. But we were together for 3 years. There were incredible moments and not so incredible moments. He was my first everything, and those are the memories that I never wanna forget. What I do wanna forget, is the way he decided to walk away from me and our child.  I got pregnant unexpectedly and unplanned. I thought he would be happy but instead he told me that if I wanted him in my life, I would have an abortion. Those words, to this day, shatter my heart into a million pieces. Here was the man that I loved, telling me to abort a poor innocent child, cause he wasn't ready. Hell, I wasn't ready but there was no way I was going to give up my child. 

I left the next day and not once did he try to stop me. The thing I'm trying to explain with this story is that even though I loved him with every fiber in my being, he didn't. Even though he said it. That's the thing, no matter how much you love someone, you will never know exactly how much they love you. And almost always, it will never be the same.  Do I believe he didn't love me? No, I just think he didn't love me the same way I loved him. 

So please, with Valentines day on the horizon, be sure before you tell someone you love them. Make sure they feel the same. Make sure in your heart that what you feel for this person is love and not just lust and liking. Ask yourself the following questions... Do you see yourself living with this person for the next 50 years? Having kids with person? Or do you see yourself with someone else in 3 years time? 

I believe everyone in the world has a soul mate, I'm just not one of those people who believes you need to jump from one person to the next to find them. I believe putting myself in the right situations, being around the right kinda people, and that way I will find my soul mate.